Raising a Mixed-Race Child - Learning as I Go

Hey!

This week I wanted to share with you a little bit about my story of bringing up a mixed-race child.  I am no expert in this area - she is my only child and I really am learning as I go!

I hope you appreciate that these are my honest thoughts and I still have so much to consider and learn.

Vicki x

'Where is her Dad from?'

I know some people hate being asked this question.  I know some people want to know but don't ask.  Personally I never mind being asked - I know my little girl does not look like me, but I do wonder how she may feel about being asked this when she is a little older, or if and when she gets asked for the first time 'Where are you from?'

For those of you who are interested, her Dad is from England, born and brought up here.  His parents were both born in Kenya, but the family is of Indian heritage.

When I got married and we were thinking about having children, my husband would often say to me that I needed to understand that I wouldn't just be having a white child like me, I would be having a mixed race child.  He tried so hard to make me understand that this child would, by some people, be seen differently and possibly experience life in a different way to I had as a white person.

Before She was Born

Whilst I was pregnant we would often chat about what our little girl was going to look like.  My niece had looked so like me as a baby that I imagined my daughter would too, but perhaps a darker version (to be honest I hoped she would at least avoiding my habit of just seeing the sun and turning into a lobster!).  I have to admit that it is a bit of a surprise that she barely looks like me at all; clearly her Dad has the dominant genes!
 
Choosing her name was really easy as we knew we did not want a name which was either very English or very Indian, but one which felt familiar to both cultures.  We are lucky that our families could not be more supportive of our mixed-race marriage and family and understand that we want to combine our understanding of our different cultures.

Now

When my husband used to talk to me about the possible implications of having a mixed-race child I really couldn't understand what he was talking about.  I guess that now that she is here I am more aware of it.  So far there have been no issues, but I am consciously preparing her for the future.  

I feel it is important for her to know about similarities and differences between people and but to also be able to develop her own identity.  I always ensure she has books and toys which represent a wide range of cultures and we purposely chose a nursery that has a real multi-cultural feel and a number of other mixed-race families.  

I am also very aware that, as her primary carer, I am not able to to provide her with an understanding of her Indian cultural heritage.  I was very keen for her to attend Gujarati classes (the language of  my husbands family) because she will not hear it much at home and I really believe we can learn so much from the language of others.  

These are just a couple of examples of how I have adapted my parenting to raising a mixed-race child, but I do think that they are actually important things for any family to think about.   Surely all children should experience opportunities to access resources which represent a wide range of cultures and to interact with others who have a different cultural heritage.  Evidence shows that learning a second language from early in life is highly beneficial to brain development.  I wonder what the impact would be on society if all children had these experiences?

Am I doing the right things?  I don't know!  Like all parents I will make mistakes - but I do hope I am making the right steps to raise a girl who is proud of her cultural heritage but is also able to create her own identity.

The Primary Steps Blog is written by Victoria Yadav a Child Development and Early Years Expert. Vicki helps parents of 2-6 years olds use playful and developmentally appropriate techniques to build strong foundations for the future.